1995: Democrats for Dornan

Hey, I don't know if you remember "B-1 Bob" Dornan, but he was like a sneak preview of the brand of crazy that is now the Official Personality Disorder of the Republican Party. In fact, I'm kind of surprsied he's not on the comeback trail....

You can't please everyone. Not too long ago, a reader took me to task for lampooning the Republicans exclusively, since (he felt) the Democrats were more to blame for the current mess. The other day, another reader berated me for lampooning Clinton, since (he felt) the Republicans never attack their own.

Well, I must be doing something right if I have both the weasels and the lizards pissed off at me. There are a couple of possible reactions here. The first is to note that the Democratic Party ain't what it used to be, if in fact it ever was. The last generation or so has seen such an exorbitant hike in the cost of political campaigns that there has been a corresponding rise in political prostitution amongst the party of the people.



In fact, since long before I joined this dance, the weasels and the lizards have been running a good cop/bad cop routine on the US voters (many thanks to my good friend Chaz Bufe for this observation, from his forthcoming revised edition of The American Heretic's Dictionary). The current occupant of the oval office is relatively adept at this charade. I mean, if you want to call a supporter of the death penalty, the Gulf War, the contra war, GATT & NAFTA, and welfare rollback a "leftist," then be my guest.

The other point to be made here is that the GOP does not necessarily maintain a united front any more. The more power they assume, the more contradictions arise in their ruling coalition. And, as Tom Beal of the Daily Star has pointed out, the fact that the party of fiscal conservatism will force us Arizona taxpayers to pay for two separate presidential primaries makes for a historic opportunity.

Next year, Arizona leftists of all stripes, Democrat or not, can hold their noses and register Republican just long enough to vote in their primary for that candidate most likely to embarrass the GOP at their summer convention, perhaps leading to enough voter revulsion to keep the White House with the, sigh, good cops.. Afterwards you can reregister for whichever party you like best.

Thus, the Tucson Comic News hereby announces the formation of...Democrats for Dornan.

[Note: It was subsequently pointed out to me that the Democrats actually paid for their own primary, leaving the party of fiscal conservatism and less government to gouge the taxpayers.]